Mom Foolery

I divide my time as a mother between feelings of extreme pride and feelings of extreme guilt. Is this normal?? This is not one of those grand blogs where I talk about the meaning of life or make you cry and call your grandmother or estranged teenager you sent to bootcamp. The feelings I’m talking about are a little more down to earth and of the everyday variety. For example, I feel pride in knowing I cut my son’s hair. I feel guilt when I see said haircut in certain light.

Some additional thoughts I waller in guilt over: Toilet training makes me want to treat my toddler just like an animal in my house… I don’t allow animals in my house. When I make a snack for myself, 98% of the time I have no intentions of sharing it. At 4:00am, formula feeding seems like it might have been a neat gig to look into. I have detailed, evil thoughts of revenge on children that push my son at the park. I buy Spaghettios. I really dropped the ball on baby sign language.

Some gems that make me feel like I might be a decent mom: I can bathe both boys by myself without breaking into tears or waterboarding anyone. I keep my boys in worship service and have not been asked to find a new church from the pulpit. My toddler eats dinner. The same dinner that that my husband and I eat. At the same time that we eat. (Food allergies notwithstanding.) Along those lines, I have mastered the allergy-mom super powers and I will Wolvervine-claw anything he can't have away from his face without leaving a scratch. I'm a Nazi about brushing teeth. And bedtime. No late nights with funky teeth. Not on my watch.

All that being said, my kids seem to like me. And they're stuck with me, 24-7, nonstop, in their face, kissing them and taking their picture. At least until they begin escaping to school in a few years and comparing me to other moms that are way cooler and probably know how to use Twitter and wear lipstick.